I Want To Be Like My Rich Friend

Hi, my name’s Sue, and I lost all of my friends and those I loved because of a change in my personality. Here’s what happened. It probably all started when I was about fifteen years old. It was tough growing up in my neighbourhood, but I suppose that can’t really excuse what I did. I was happy at first... I remember being a happy child, but that was in the days when dad was still around. That was in the days when mom used to laugh, but then everything changed. Suddenly dad wasn’t there anymore, and the fun and laughter stopped. We had to move house, mom, me, and my younger brother, to a neighborhood that wasn’t so good, and the house was a lot smaller. I still went to the same school, kept my same friends, but now I lived further out of town and didn’t see them as much. They didn’t change, but I did. I had this best friend, Jane, and we were really close, we did everything together, told each other everything. We sat next to each other in class, and she knew all of my secrets. Jane was an only child, and her parents were really wealthy. They almost treated me like one of their own, but now I began to resent them too – they represented everything that I didn’t have. The split with my best friend started when she went to school camp, without me.Mom couldn’t afford for me to go... I was the only one in my class who couldn’t afford to go. It might sound trivial, but I think that’s when my anger started, you know it really began to build up inside of me. Deep inside, I thought that Jane would stay at home to be with me, I thought she would understand, and I really resented her going without me. I brooded for the whole week she was away, and on the Friday night, when they were due to arrive back, I decided to wait for her in the schoolyard where the minibus would bring them back. I remember seeing her, my best friend, laughing and joking with some of the other girls in our class. I felt betrayed, I felt angry, I hated her. Something snapped inside me, and I wantedto hurt her like she had hurt me. There was a girl in the schoolat that time that was a real bully – her name was Barbara, and she was older than me... Jane and I always kept our distance. She led a real tough gang of girls that I’d always been frightened of, but then and there, I made a decision that wouldchange my life. I decided to make friends with Barbara. I knew where the gang hung out, usually smoking behind the municipal library. I also stole some money from my mom; sheworked so hard, and I feel so bad about that now, but at the time, I didn’t care. I suppose I blamed her for splitting up withmy dad... if they had still been together, then none of this would have happened. Yes, it was all her fault. God, I was so angry at everybody.Anyhow, on the Saturday morning, I took ten dollars from Mom’s purse and set off to find Barbara. My heart was racing,but I was determined to be part of her gang. As I turned the corner, there they were, puffing away at cheap cigarettes. I must have looked so uncool to them, dressed in my regular jeans and sweater, against their skinny black jeans and black T-shirts. I saw Barbara narrow her eyes at me, as the rest of the gang started circling me, like eagles around their prey. I was shaking, but I tried to act cool. “What do you want?” Barbara growledI pulled out the ten dollars, and I could see that they were impressed; money always talks. I ended up giving the money to Barbara for cigarettes and cider, but from then on, I was part of the gang... I was cool. Jane tried to call me on the phone all that weekend, but I didn’t want to speak to her. Mom seemed a little subdued but said nothing about the missing ten dollars, and to be honest, I didn’t really care.Monday came around, and for once, I set off early to school. I wanted to be there, waiting for Jane. I can see her now, waving and smiling at me as she got out of her mom’s car and started walking across the schoolyard to where I was standing.I ignored her and started walking over to where the gang was waiting for me, greeting me with high fives, and Jane just stood at a distance, hardly believing what she was seeing.“Are you coming into class, Sue?” she tried to sound cheerful,but I knew that she was scared of Barbara.The rest of the gang started to laugh, I’m not really sure what at, but it seemed aimed at Jane, and so I joined in. I could see the look of hurt in her eyes, she was almost crying as she turned away, and for a brief moment, I felt triumphant, it feels good to have so much power, to be part of a gang that others fear. It was only when she had gone that I felt a pang of regret,and I felt like running after her, to apologize and tell her that I was sorry. I must have started to move away, but Barbara stopped me ...